Careless Mistake

sigh

2009-06-21T08:51:00.000-07:00

kahit kelan. di ko naisip na ganun.

2009-01-21T07:16:00.000-08:00

Dahil nabasa ko ang blog ni Joy...

Hindi ko masimulan ang part ko sa thesis namin. Parang ayaw magfunction ng brain ko. Type. Backspace. Type. Backspace. Tapos, blank page na lang ulit. Ang hirap ng ganitong feeling. I'm not sure kung bakit hindi ako makasulat. I tried listening sa mga kantang pinakikinggan ko kapag nagiisap ako. Pero wala pa rin. Dahil ba wala lang ako sa mood magsulat? Dahil ba sa deadlines ng school? O baka naman dahil sa nararamdaman ko ngayon dahil sa ginawa mo. Hay. Normally, sasabihin ko na baka dahil sa lahat ng yan, pero ngayon, mas nangingibabaw yung feeling ng dahil sa ginawa mo. Ang bigat. Katulad nga ng sinabi ni Joy, sobrang mahalaga sa kanya ang small details. Ako rin. Masyado kong napapansin ang halos lahat ng bagay ng makita ko. Kahit pinakamaliliit na bagay na kukuha ng attention ko. Paano pa kaya yung mga simpleng bagay na ginawa ko o ginawa mo na naalala ko pero hindi mo naalala? Akala ko lang pala na maalala mo rin. Mababaw akong tao. Madali akong matouch sa mga simpleng bagay. Madali lang akong pasayahin. Pero madali rin akong malungkot, masaktan. Simpleng bagay ang makakapagpasaya sa'yo, simpleng bagay din ang makakapgpalungkot sa'yo. Hay. Paano pa ko mapapasaya o mapapangiti ng mga simpleng bagay na 'yun kung alam ko naman na hindi mo na rin maalala ang mga ito kahit pagkalipas lamang ng sandaling panahon? Sinasabi ko tuloy sa sarili ko, siguro nga kailangan ko na lang palipasin na lang. Hayaan na dumaan. Tapos 'pag tapos na, tapos na. Hindi ko na pala kailangang irewind pa sa isip ko. Hindi na ko na dapat isipin na maalala mo. Masyado ng malaki ang mundong ginagalawan mo. Kala ko walang magbabago, pero hindi pala mapipigilan 'yun.

2009-01-15T08:46:00.000-08:00

Sampung taon mula ngayon.

Sampung taon mula ngayon, doktor na ko
Pero, nag-aaral pa rin ako.

Sampung taon mula ngayon, nag-aaral pa rin ako
Pero, masaya ako.

Sampung taon mula ngayon, masaya ako
Pero, nandoon ka na kaya?

2009-01-15T08:39:00.000-08:00

What if...

In your life, you'll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There's the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you're with...and the one that got away.

Who is the one that got away? I guess it's that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn't fall the right way, I suppose.

I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.

How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you're not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn't matter who you're with, it just doesn't work. Small problems become big; inconsequentials become dealbreakers simply because you're not ready and it shows. It's not that you and the person you're with are no good; it's just that it's not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.

Then one day you're ready. You really are. And when this happens you'll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it'll work because you're ready. It'll work because it's the right time and you'll make it work. And it'll make sense, it really will.

So that day comes when you're finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and you've become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there's no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you're single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn't matter.

All you know is that you've changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about.

You'll think about them because you'll wonder, "What if they were here today?" You'll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?". That's what the one that got away is. The biggest "What if?" you'll have in your life.

If you're married, you'll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you're mature enough to realize that you're already with the one you're with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you'll think about him/her every so often, but it's alright. It's never nice to live with a "might have been," but it happens.

Maybe the one that got away is the one who's already married. In which case it's the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you're old and gray and reminiscing. But if neither of that is the case, then it's different. What do you do if it's not yet too late? Simple...find him, find her. Because the very existence of a "one that got away" means that you'll always wonder, what if you got that one?

Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn't matter if you've dropped in from out of nowhere. You'd be surprised, you just might be "the one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got away."

You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won't make a difference.

If the timing is finally right, it'll all just fall into place somehow and you know, I'm thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone, "Hey you, you're the one that almost got away."

- Mark J. Macapagal, The Manila Times

Mamimis ko mga ganitong stuff from Kris.

Nakakainis.

2008-12-30T06:40:00.000-08:00

Alam mo minsan talaga nakakainis ka na eh. Minsan lang talaga. Argh. Ewan. Sasabihin ko ayaw ko na. Tapos biglang gaganahan na naman. Tapos maiinis na naman ako. Sasabihin na naman na ayaw na. Nakakainis.

2008-12-14T03:17:00.000-08:00

Dalit ni Jose F. Lacaba

Patigilin sa pag-ikot ang lahat ng relo,
pagpuputulin ang mga linya ng telepono,
patahimikin ang mga piyano, at ang kabaong
ay ilabas sa kalye, simulan na ang prusisyon.

Patugtugin ang punebre, at sa pagbuntung-hininga
ay iparinig sa bayan ang balitang Patay Na Siya.
Bihisan ng luksa ang mga nagtatrapik na pulis,
lagyan ng lasong itim ang mga traysikel at dyip.

Siya ang aking hilaga, timog, kanluran, silangan,
ang aking takipsilim at bukang-liwayway,
ang kaing piyesta opisyal at araw ng trabaho.
Akala ko'y habang buhay ang pag-ibig: mali ako.

Bawian na ng sindi ang mga tala at bituin,
ibalot na ang buwan, at ang araw ay baklasin,
walisin na ang gubat, at ang dagat ay itapon.
Pagka't wala nang silbi ang lahat mula ngayon.

Careless Mistake

*sigh*

Nakakainis.

sigh